Having a social anxiety is hard as fuck. Yet, still people couldn't understand it. This is not being shy or not wanting to have friends. This is the thing that we are suffering from mentally and we can pull through it. It isn't easy. Some people are suffering much more than me and i feel very sorry of them and still i want to meet them. It is so hard to go and talk to someone or be in a group of people. It is hard for us to make the first step.
People mostly think about this is what we only suffer. No! We do suffer from our thoughts and fear and stuff. Such as thinking about " Why couldn't i do that!" or "I surely scared them all. Nobody wants me." We want friends to come to us, make their first steps and be patient, be friendly and try to empathize with us. We can be more relaxed with the friend and also happy but it doesn't means that our suffers are gone. It is like a disease, hurts so much emotionally.
When we get hurt and also too emotional, we just want to hurt ourself, not to show people our scars like some teenagers do to try make people have eye on them. Some wants to try to kill theirselves, some wants to just hurt. Some people have a crisis similar to panic attacks (me included). It is so hard to stop it.
*I am depressed or something like that. I can't eat anything or drink. I can't sleep at night. I don't want to talk to anyone and don't want to go out. I don't want to do anything but lay down and play with my computer. I don't get joy from anything. I still have some problems that if i continue like this for 3-4 days, i can be hospitilized because my body is so weak that i pass out lots of times. This happend because 2 friends and my bf left me. I don't know what did a do wrong. They just doesn't talk to me. If i talk they would write 1 or 2 sentences to end the conversation. I mostly sad about my bf but anyways thats why i could write in here for few days... 13 days! I only have a close friend of mine luckily.
Please try to understand us!
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